I hesitate to write this, because I am not an expert but…
It seems lately there are a lot of spouses complaining about their spouses. It’s even more frustrating when they complain to other people, but then write a FaceBook (or any) status saying how wonderful their spouse is. Either they are or they aren’t.
You are sending mixed messages when you do that. Here are a few questions I would like to ask the people who do this:
- Have you spoken to your spouse?
- Did you speak to him/her about what is bothering you?
- Did you speak to your spouse before you complained to other people?
- Do you realize that saying in one breath that your spouse needs to xyz, and saying in the next breath they are the best spouse ever is sending confusing messages to your spouse?
- Are you expecting from your spouse something they cannot give?
- Are you expecting them to meet your emotional needs? Because they can’t, so please don’t put that kind of pressure on them.
- Are you just looking for attention?
- Have you clearly communicated to your spouse what it is that you need/want?
- Have you ever thought that the problem is with you?
- If your spouse was perfect (which they never will be) would you then be happy?
- Have you tried to find the root of your unhappiness?
- How would you feel if your spouse spoke to you like that?
- Are you treating your spouse better than how you want to be treated?
Like I said, I am not an expert, but I see so many people lacking in the communication area and are so very unhappy. Your unhappiness is not your spouses fault. Also consider one last thing: if it won’t matter in 5 years –> let it go. It’s not worth the fight now.
P.S. It is not your child’s fault you are unhappy either, so please don’t make them feel that way.