Is there a difference between alone and lonely? I’m not lonely. I know I can pick up the phone at any minute and call a large number of people. 35 to be exact. And that’s just the numbers I have in my phone. That doesn’t include all of my Facebook ‘friends’, church friends, neighbor friends, or family friends.
But yet, I feel alone.
There is a difference. It’s not that I want to see people. I can do that anytime that I want. And I have BP with me all day. 24/7 (and I like it that way). I just don’t want to be alone.
I don’t want to feel like I am the only one who thinks a certain way. I don’t want to be the only one who doesn’t want to play with her kid right now. How about now? Nooo, I still want a few minutes to be me. Who is me? I’m not sure anymore. I think I lost me in the midst of being a bunch of different titles I wasn’t prepared to be.
They are all titles I want. I WANT to be a Wife, a Mother, a Cook, a Teacher, a Friend. But I still want me. I want the me who doesn’t care what others think. I want the me who is independent. I want the me who can make a decision without taking f.o.r.e.v.e.r to make it. Oh wait, that was always me.
Maybe I am still here. Maybe I haven’t lost me. Maybe I am still part of me, but I just added some other parts too. Maybe I’m not lonely. And maybe I am not alone. Maybe there are others who have lost themselves only to find they are themselves – just different selves.
And maybe they like their new selves. They just don’t know how to make their new selves feel/seem like the ‘me’ that they are.
It’s tough to be 1 – but I am not 1. I have HP, and BP, and many other people. And I have me. The me I want to be.
1 is the loneliest number – and I am glad that I am not 1. I’m thankful I am not alone or lonely.
