1 is the loneliest number

Is there a difference between alone and lonely?  I’m not lonely.  I know I can pick up the phone at any minute and call a large number of people.  35 to be exact.  And that’s just the numbers I have in my phone.  That doesn’t include all of my Facebook ‘friends’, church friends, neighbor friends, or family friends.

But yet, I feel alone.

There is a difference.  It’s not that I want to see people.  I can do that anytime that I want. And I have BP with me all day. 24/7 (and I like it that way).  I just don’t want to be alone.

I don’t want to feel like I am the only one who thinks a certain way.  I don’t want to be the only one who doesn’t want to play with her kid right now.  How about now? Nooo, I still want a few minutes to be me.  Who is me?  I’m not sure anymore.  I think I lost me in the midst of being a bunch of different titles I wasn’t prepared to be.

They are all titles I want.  I WANT to be a Wife, a Mother, a Cook, a Teacher, a Friend.  But I still want me.  I want the me who doesn’t care what others think.  I want the me who is independent.  I want the me who can make a decision without taking f.o.r.e.v.e.r to make it.  Oh wait, that was always me.

Maybe I am still here.  Maybe I haven’t lost me.  Maybe I am still part of me, but I just added some other parts too.  Maybe I’m not lonely.  And maybe I am not alone.  Maybe there are others who have lost themselves only to find they are themselves – just different selves.

And maybe they like their new selves.  They just don’t know how to make their new selves feel/seem like the ‘me’ that they are.

It’s tough to be 1 – but I am not 1.  I have HP, and BP, and many other people.  And I have me.  The me I want to be.

1 is the loneliest number – and I am glad that I am not 1.  I’m thankful I am not alone or lonely.

About hpwpbp

Wife Person to a wonderful Husband Person. Mother Person to a wonderful Baby Person.
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